so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
