WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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