she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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