just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
