if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
