Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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