i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize