I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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