so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
