is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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