He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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