Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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