we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize