Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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