New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
