I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
