I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
