I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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