She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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