Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
