I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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