The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
