i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
