I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
