She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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