This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
