woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
