There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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