He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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