Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
