So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
