i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
