I just saw a hot homeless man
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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