I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
okay pat passed out under dana's car
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
