Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
