Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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