You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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