saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
