so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize