she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
