Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
