Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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