I bet he comes in French.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
