he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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