I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
