I showed him my bush... on skype.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
