Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
