Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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