There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
