I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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