I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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