Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
