Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
