I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
