Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
