oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
