I am puke
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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