I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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