After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
