I bet he comes in French.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
