I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
